These words speak power. Their power comes in their ability to pull someone out from the busy stream of life and reach deep into their heart. As if to be plucked out of the chaos, even for just a moment. They are words that are easy to read, easy to write. But to say them with meaning, to deliver them with sincerity to another human being… it is something that many of us would struggle with. (Perhaps the bias may be toward men who typically aren’t steered by the society towards navigating these emotional waters.)

Making of the shells 🔗

It amuses and perplexes me how something that can be so positively powerful can feel out of reach for many of us. Throughout our relatively short time on this planet, it is easy (and sometimes necessary) to create a shell around ourselves. A big, hard, strong shell that protects us from the hurt, the pain, and the sadness that sometimes bubbles and oozes out from the earth. Fear of our neighbors becomes an insecurity that is targeted and exploited by the political powers of our day.

So of course, the world can feel cold. Or even dead. But those shells that we carry and build over our life can also be cold and hard themselves. When we are surrounded by coldness and hardness, it is naturally difficult to expect that compassion to flow like a river out from the world. The shells cover over our hearts with coldness and hardness, so if enough time passes inside the shell, we might conclude that the world is a cold and hard place.

Leaving the shells 🔗

But the only mistake in our human existence is to never leave the shell. Sometimes it is necessary and sometimes it is required. There are awful things that ooze out of the cracks of our fragile yet interdependent society. But if we make the shell our home, we sacrifice the warmth of the sun. We refuse the possibility of the beauty, the love, and compassion that also exists in our planet. We can find beauty in the smallest of things and most unusual of places. But if we are stuck in the shell, we are hidden from what is uncomfortable and difficult, but also what is joyful and empowering.

May we all come to know our shell, and also to know when we are in our shell. If we stay in it too long, we might forget what it is to take it off. What it feels like to feel joy. What it feels like to feel love. To accept love and give love. The most powerful, transformative, and awe-inspiring experiences on this planet called Earth will pass over us if we allow our hearts to harden.

Choose to love, not to hate.

Choose to trust, not to fear.

Always forgive, but never forget.

Follow the joyous path of light, and avoid the cynical path of darkness.

Know when to wear our shell for necessary protection, and know when to take it off for being vulnerable and human.

Breathe.

Background context 🔗

This reflection came after a bike ride. The rides are typically my most reflective time. There are no screens, no notifications, no distractions. It is me. The path. And my breath. After a week when I was feeling overwhelmed and stressed, this reflection came from a meditative mood and my desire to use my blog as a place to express myself better. (I think writing this post was more therapeutic than the tweet I was originally writing.)

A special thanks to Thich Nhat Hahn and this El Ten Eleven track for guiding my thoughts while writing:

El Ten Eleven is a duo consisting of Kristian Dunn on strings and Tim Fogarty and drums. Plus several loop pedals! El Ten Eleven’s debut self-titled album released on September 20th, 2005 (even though Dunn says the album released in late 2004). This makes 2020 the 16th anniversary of their debut album in the twenty-first century post-rock scene.

This entry in Tergiversate reviews the history and background of the album and offers a personal perspective on one of my favorite music albums. Let’s take a look at El Ten Eleven!

My background on El Ten Eleven 🔗

If Last.fm is trustworthy, I have 39,355 listens of El Ten Eleven, out of a total listen count of 348,043. 18,605 listens were of the self-titled album specifically. It takes two lead positions in my music library: my most-listened artist and album of all-time. I discovered El Ten Eleven on December 19th, 2012.

In 35 minutes, El Ten Eleven tells a great story. It is an album that means a great deal to me.

El Ten Eleven, track-by-track 🔗

El Ten Eleven songs have no lyrics (not counting Emile Mosseri collaborations). The only given meaning is in the song titles. The rest is up for audible interpretation.

But if you are a curious music nerd like me, the artist’s thinking behind a song is interesting to understand. This blog post documents what I know about this album. My experiences come from reading other music journalism sites on the Internet and even talking to Kristian Dunn after concerts time to time! (He is a cool dude. He signed my brick.)

1: My Only Swerving 🔗

This song was written in tribute to Traveling through the Dark, a 1998 poem by William E. Stafford (confirmed here). The track title gets its name from a line towards the end of the poem.

I thought hard for us all—my only swerving—,

then pushed her over the edge into the river.

Traveling through the Dark, William E. Stafford

Dunn ran an “Ask Me Anything” (A.M.A.) on Jan 22, 2018 via Patreon. In the A.M.A., Dunn lamented how the song failed as a tribute to the poem. He believed the song was not dark enough to match the poem.

3: Lorge 🔗

Dunn’s mother passed a short time before the album was recorded. The album is dedicated to her memory. Lorge is the middle name of Dunn’s mother. The album reflects on the emotions that follow the death of a loved one.

4: 1969 🔗

In a phone interview with Fogarty, he believed this song title came from Dunn’s birth year, 1969.

7: Fanshawe 🔗

The song is a tribute to The New York Trilogy’s The Locked Room novel, which features a character named Fanshawe. In the Patreon A.M.A., he acknowledged the connection to the character and book.

8: Connie 🔗

Connie is the shortened form of Dunn’s mother’s first name, Constance.

Why I care 🔗

El Ten Eleven deals with loss. As the album transitions from beginning to end, it moves towards acceptance. But acceptance of loss is not easily attained. Loss also comes with difficult emotions.

In psychology, there are five stages of grief. They can happen in any order and go between each other, but it always ends with acceptance. The abbreviated five stages are regret, denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance. El Ten Eleven offers a musical experience of the life-cycle of grief.

El Ten Eleven empowered me. In times of discomfort or anxiety, this album is always my go-to. It continues to be a cornerstone for me in challenging moments in my life.

Where to find El Ten Eleven 🔗

Check below for links. If you have no preference, Bandcamp purchases are the most effective way for your money to go to supporting the band.

• Bandcamp
• Spotify
• iTunes
• Google Play
• Amazon

If you would be kind, please drop some claps to my friend’s interview with the band on Medium!

Curious where the name “Tergiversate” came from? Check out the dictionary definition.