El Ten Eleven is a duo consisting of Kristian Dunn on strings and Tim Fogarty and drums. Plus several loop pedals! El Ten Eleven’s debut self-titled album released on September 20th, 2005 (even though Dunn says the album released in late 2004). This makes 2020 the 16th anniversary of their debut album in the twenty-first century post-rock scene.

This entry in Tergiversate reviews the history and background of the album and offers a personal perspective on one of my favorite music albums. Let’s take a look at El Ten Eleven!

My background on El Ten Eleven 🔗

If Last.fm is trustworthy, I have 39,355 listens of El Ten Eleven, out of a total listen count of 348,043. 18,605 listens were of the self-titled album specifically. It takes two lead positions in my music library: my most-listened artist and album of all-time. I discovered El Ten Eleven on December 19th, 2012.

In 35 minutes, El Ten Eleven tells a great story. It is an album that means a great deal to me.

El Ten Eleven, track-by-track 🔗

El Ten Eleven songs have no lyrics (not counting Emile Mosseri collaborations). The only given meaning is in the song titles. The rest is up for audible interpretation.

But if you are a curious music nerd like me, the artist’s thinking behind a song is interesting to understand. This blog post documents what I know about this album. My experiences come from reading other music journalism sites on the Internet and even talking to Kristian Dunn after concerts time to time! (He is a cool dude. He signed my brick.)

1: My Only Swerving 🔗

This song was written in tribute to Traveling through the Dark, a 1998 poem by William E. Stafford (confirmed here). The track title gets its name from a line towards the end of the poem.

I thought hard for us all—my only swerving—,

then pushed her over the edge into the river.

Traveling through the Dark, William E. Stafford

Dunn ran an “Ask Me Anything” (A.M.A.) on Jan 22, 2018 via Patreon. In the A.M.A., Dunn lamented how the song failed as a tribute to the poem. He believed the song was not dark enough to match the poem.

3: Lorge 🔗

Dunn’s mother passed a short time before the album was recorded. The album is dedicated to her memory. Lorge is the middle name of Dunn’s mother. The album reflects on the emotions that follow the death of a loved one.

4: 1969 🔗

In a phone interview with Fogarty, he believed this song title came from Dunn’s birth year, 1969.

7: Fanshawe 🔗

The song is a tribute to The New York Trilogy’s The Locked Room novel, which features a character named Fanshawe. In the Patreon A.M.A., he acknowledged the connection to the character and book.

8: Connie 🔗

Connie is the shortened form of Dunn’s mother’s first name, Constance.

Why I care 🔗

El Ten Eleven deals with loss. As the album transitions from beginning to end, it moves towards acceptance. But acceptance of loss is not easily attained. Loss also comes with difficult emotions.

In psychology, there are five stages of grief. They can happen in any order and go between each other, but it always ends with acceptance. The abbreviated five stages are regret, denial, anger, sadness, and acceptance. El Ten Eleven offers a musical experience of the life-cycle of grief.

El Ten Eleven empowered me. In times of discomfort or anxiety, this album is always my go-to. It continues to be a cornerstone for me in challenging moments in my life.

Where to find El Ten Eleven 🔗

Check below for links. If you have no preference, Bandcamp purchases are the most effective way for your money to go to supporting the band.

• Bandcamp
• Spotify
• iTunes
• Google Play
• Amazon

If you would be kind, please drop some claps to my friend’s interview with the band on Medium!

Curious where the name “Tergiversate” came from? Check out the dictionary definition.

The next album to spotlight in Tergiversate is Abysma by Los Angeles-based Geotic, a.k.a. Will Wiesenfeld. Abysma is the ninth studio album released by Geotic. It debuted on March 31, 2017. The album could be described as a cross between an electronica and indie pop. For Wiesenfeld’s first début on a record label with his side project Geotic, he makes a bold and eccentric presence with Abysma.

Why Abysma? 🔗

Abysma was an accidental discovery during a significant experience of my life. At the time, I subscribed to Google Play Music and I would sometimes receive recommendations for new music to listen to. On March 31, 2017, Google Play suggested Abysma as a new release I might like.

At the time, I was living in Dubrovnik, Croatia on a study abroad exchange. The album quickly became one of my favorites for the remaining two months I spent abroad. After returning to the US, I chose not to renew my subscription. Since I never purchased the album, it was conveniently forgotten after I returned.

Months later, in October, I reviewed some of my top albums from 2017 on Last.fm. I came across Geotic on the list and remembered Abysma. I decided to buy the album and add it to my library. Since then, the album returned to a regular spot on my listening queue.

Thus, perhaps it makes sense that I strongly associate this album to my time living abroad. Frequently, this album was the backdrop to afternoon walks near the Old City of Dubrovnik, long bus rides to Bosnia or Albania, or for studying the week before final exams. Regardless, this album rekindles my imagination for some of my own unique experiences. Therefore, it made sense to include this album in a Tergiversate column.

Themes 🔗

Deciphering Abysma is a challenge. Most of the record is ambient, with some songs featuring brief, synthesized, and heavily modified vocals. The album artwork is the next biggest hint to themes and meanings of the album.

The following are two themes I identified in Abysma:

• Own worst enemy
• Overcoming hardship

Both themes play a supporting role in each other,.

Own worst enemy 🔗

One of the primary themes of the album is recognizing our least desirable qualities of ourselves and letting them overpower our other positive qualities.

Artwork 🔗

The album artwork sets the foundation for this theme, combined with various hints from song titles and mood from each track. The artwork features a sun-bathed, empty room with a rainbow-colored body lain across the floor.

The body appears lifeless as it peers outside the bright window. The body is a metaphor for the bright and wonderful qualities we own, but the room represents a trap. Despite the wonderful qualities inside, we lock ourselves into boxes or rooms where we are unable to see past the walls. We only have a window into the great wonders of life – yet somehow we are not in that picture.

Songs 🔗

The mood of the album contributes to that idea. Sunspell, the opening track, creates the initial view of the album. The album is reminiscent of a bright, cheery atmosphere, but it seems remote and disconnected at the same time. The sunlight captivates us and puts us under a spell – in the spell, the bright lights of others and the world we see strike us and blind us.

The following tracks continue to build this atmosphere, leaning towards an introspective and oblique feel. Echoing words of “it all makes sense” on Nav feed this idea of deep, intrinsic wonder to ourselves. As the album grows in its mysterious nature, so does the feeling of mental isolation. As Abysma progresses, Geotic puts on a lens of closer and closer self-introspection.

Admittedly, not all the qualities in this lens are the best ones. The theme reaches its climax in Perish Song. The song title leaves little room for second guessing. In the long, drawn-out waves of the synthesizer and delicate piano keystrokes, a listener is left with understanding of a type of depression. It’s reminiscent of the days when our thoughts are self-destructive and harmful.

What it all means 🔗

Whether by design or by accident, Geotic forces the listener to find a level of acceptance of their own mind. Throughout life, we sometimes make ourselves our own biggest enemy and showstoppers. Even though we are all filled with a natural bright and illuminating nature (like a child), we can lose sight of that version of our self. This theme is present because we become aware of ourselves when listening. Everyone has been their own hardest critic, and Abysma is a gentle reminder that sometimes we are hardest on ourselves.

Lingering thoughts remain whether the harsh self-criticism is worthy or not, but this is quickly answered at the close of the record.

Overcoming hardship 🔗

In a quick turnaround, the last song of the album, Valiance, introduces the second theme and integrates into the different pieces of the previous theme.

The second theme builds on the idea that even in our worst qualities and lowest moments (e.g. Perish Song), we are able to overcome the battle with our mind and find our own peace. After all, the body on the album cover reflects light and echoes the colors of the rainbow – we always possessed the qualities, but perhaps did not recognize them within us.

Valiance 🔗

The high notes and intense energy of Valiance are a contrast to some of the introspective atmospheres earlier in the album. While Valiance is also introspective, it changes the lens. Instead of looking in at our worst qualities, it’s a change in perspective to look at our better qualities. The song almost seems to externalize the hidden energy inside the body on the album cover.

Valiance is a reminder of our ability to find peace with our mind and create our own happiness. It tells and affirms that we can overcome our hardships, whether imposed on us by ourselves or by others.

What it all means 🔗

One line from the lyrics of Perish Song are significant. It plays back into the second theme:

The heat of the sun,

Is there if you want.

We decide whether we want to feel the warmth and heat of the sun in our life. We are the ones that make a choice to how we receive the world and our experiences in life.

As a whole, this theme plays into the previous theme because it takes a stark change in direction. But it plays together beautifully. The negative and difficult recognition of our own self as an enemy is challenging. It reminds of our shortcomings, our regrets, our missed opportunities. It becomes easy to pin the blame on ourselves. Not only that, but the awareness can introduce a concern of not being able to overcome our failures.

Yet, the album ends elegantly, brightly, and brilliantly. The closing reminds us that we should always choose the heat of the sun in our life. When we shape our perspective of the world and the people around us, we make a choice for how we receive and interact with it. To make a positive impression of the world and those around us, we must become comfortable with ourselves first. We have to find peace with our own mind before we can find peace with any others.

The closing of Abysma reminds us of that, in a layered progression from recognizing our worst qualities to acknowledging they can always be overcome. Recognizing our worst qualities is challenging, but it’s a challenge we can overcome when we live in the light and warmth. When we choose happiness, love, and compassion, these qualities reflect and echo back to us in life.

Where to find Abysma 🔗

Most albums reviewed in Tergiversate focus on the complete album, not each song. Consider making your first listen from top to bottom instead of picking single songs. My experience in music is that great albums offer the most when enjoyed in a single, immersive experience.

• Bandcamp (preferred, directly supports artist)
• Spotify
• iTunes
• Google Play
• Amazon
• SoundCloud

Curious where the name “Tergiversate” came from? Check out the dictionary definition.

Why Demon Days? 🔗

Demon Days has a sentimental value to me. When I was younger, a close friend gifted me a copy of the album on CD, marking the first physical piece of music merchandise in my collection. Ever since the first CD, my collection has expanded across many artists, genres, and mediums, from CDs, to 7" and 12" vinyl records, and even a signed brick (a story to save for another time).

More importantly, Gorillaz represents a distinct departure in my music listening habits from my youth. Gorillaz opened my perspective to new sounds and genres, and the diverse range of sounds that Damon Albarn uses in the Gorillaz albums helped me discover new music. Gorillaz is the root of my independent music discovery, when I began to explore the rich palettes of sound, passion, and insight that music offers.

Even though Demon Days was the first album that felt like my own finding, its meaning and purpose have grown with me over time. Every year, there’s a period of my life where I find the album on repeat, or I’ll suddenly realize that I need to listen to a very specific song from the album immediately. I departed from other artists and albums from my youth, but Demon Days is one that clings on with a contemporary relevance, captures my imagination, and fills my heart with hope.

Thus, no other album felt worthy of receiving the title of “first” in this series.

Themes 🔗

The album sits at a pivotal moment in human history: the dawn of the 21st century is still breaking. A world of technology begins to immerse our culture, the world is at a war with questionable purpose, and an air of suspense hangs above for the thoughtful philosopher.

Damon Albarn attacks this moment in a poetic and creative genius that addresses four themes, but doesn’t paint a picture of despair. The four themes, as aptly detailed by the Demon Days Wikia page, are…

1. Desensitizing children / the innocent
2. The Iraq war
3. Environmental damage
4. Defacement of mass culture

New direction 🔗

Unlike the earlier album, this album marks the beginning of a new era for Damon Albarn and Gorillaz. Albarn’s music reaches a new level of maturity that was not as present in previous works.

Another analysis of the album from Reddit pins a deep insight into the meaning of the album. One exceptional excerpt from that thread:

Within this album, which is a popular music album, Damon spins a soundscape which explores the world in true existential crisis and tries, genuinely tries, to instruct the listener towards a positive outlook. It is unflinchingly hateful and rejecting of the forces at work which prevent personal growth and one by one exposes the Orwellian nightmare of living under a violent government and an apathetic society.

One piece 🔗

Perhaps the most powerful part of Demon Days is its composition as a singular unit. While many of the songs stand up on their own as mainstream singles, the album is best received as the sum of its parts. Albarn described the album in an interview as a story that takes the listener through the night. Intro sets the tone at the beginning of the darkness, and the self-titled track at the end paints a bright, luminescent color for the album.

Powerful ending 🔗

The ending of the album remains the most powerful part of the album for me, particularly Don’t Get Lost in Heaven and Demon Days. The album deals with themes of a world in decline. It is not discreet in its implied meaning and Albarn offers his perspective on the pitfalls that humanity sets for itself.

Yet, the ending of the album isn’t a reflection on the hateful, spiteful, and damaging parts of society and culture.

The ending reminds the listener of the breaking rays of sunlight, cutting through the darkness of the night. In line with its storyline of journeying through the night and facing different demons, the album closes itself with a positive picture of hope, love, and inspiration. I believe Albarn was aware that the message of urgency and themes of darkness in other songs from the album were difficult to swallow. But he was acutely aware that the embers of hope and love should never be extinguished if these demons of the world are to be overcome.

The ending of the album is what took me through 2017. One of the highlights of my year was seeing Gorillaz live in Chicago in July, as they started their international tour for the Humanz album. I was speechless and filled with a boundless joy when the concert ended with Don’t Get Lost in Heaven and Demon Days. These two songs aged and were reborn with new meaning and passion for the world we explore in 2017 and beyond. I’ve felt that for some time, but seeing Gorillaz perform at their first show in years and also ending with these songs? It only confirmed this resolve in meaning to me.

Where to find Demon Days 🔗

If you only know some of the singles from the album, or if you have never listened at all, please consider a full listen from top to bottom. Some albums can be enjoyed in pieces, but Demon Days is a package deal, and it offers the most when it’s listened to in a single, immersive experience.

• Spotify
• iTunes
• Google Play
• Amazon
• YouTube

Curious where the name “Tergiversate” came from? Check out the dictionary definition.

Tergiversate: New articles in 2018 🔗

Tergiversate takes the form of a column on my blog. New posts will appear in the Music category. Since this is a personal undertaking, I did not want to commit to a publishing schedule, but I hope to cover one to two albums a month.

The album columns will not always be a review or an analysis, but rather a spotlight or highlight on albums that have a special or intrinsic value to me. I hope to cover both new releases from current-day artists as well as introduce older albums from some of my favorite artists.

The first articles in the series will appear in January 2018.

Recommendation swapping welcome 🔗

I plan to start with music that I’m familiar with. However, if you want me to consider an album, I’m happy to swap recommendations. I’m always looking for new music, so if you want to point something out to me, you’re welcome to leave a comment or reach out to me somewhere else.

I’m excited to launch Tergiversate. Music is an important part of my life and I’m excited to extract the best highlights from a world polluted by noise.

Curious where the name “Tergiversate” came from? Check out the dictionary definition.

Music by Sandy Priyasa from the Noun Project.

Converting the sounds of music into words is a difficult task. It is more difficult task when the sounds of the music lack lyrics. It is possible, but a difficult task even for the most skilled linguist. Yet the embedded meaning, value, and transmission of emotion present in the music speaks a thousand words in the human heart. What makes this so difficult to describe? I am still searching for an answer to this question, but Explosions in the Sky makes it easier for me by providing All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone, their fourth album. Originally released in 2007, the Texas-based band shares an irreplaceable part of human psyche and emotional strength through their six-track escapade. More solemn than my previous musical tribute, I take my own interpretation of this timeless album.

Visual clues 🔗

Explosions in the Sky (further referred to as EITS) leaves the listener with the album artwork to shape the mood and direction of the album. The artwork features a man peering over a boat amidst what appears to be a flooded city. His lantern dimly lights a reflection in the water. Fallen electricity poles and flooded buildings scatter the horizon. A mix of other artwork is accompanied in the full album artwork with the vinyl edition. Surrounding the image of the man in the boat are various other images, circling around the center like memories. One is of a ghostly-colored woman playing a piano, another of two children watching television late at night. Another is a dog with a flashlight running towards a person, one final basketball match lit by the sunset, and a man celebrating alone with a cake.

These images seem irrelevant to each other, but all of them connect back to the main image in the center: the primary cover of All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone. Each of the six additional images accompanies one of the six tracks on the album. The man is searching for these lost memories in the sea of regret and desire. The tides have risen far beyond normal and now he is the only survivor. Even though he does not drown in the waves of “have-nots” and wistful wishing, he is lost. Like a mountaineer without a compass, the protagonist of this album is seeking to rid himself of the loneliness that he finds himself immersed in.

The adventurous story of escape and breaking free of the sea is the plot buried within this album.

Track titles 🔗

If the album title and artwork serves as the front cover of the book, the track titles serve as the table of contents for the listener. Each track of All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone represents an important milestone on the adventure to escape the sea of regret and tides of loneliness. Some tracks are defeated submission while others are bittersweet victories. Each track itself could be put into a powerful, hundred-page story. I have summarized my interpretation of each track below as briefly as possible. The purpose of this is to serve as pointers for interpretation, not definitive and irrefutable interpretations. That is a unique experience that you, the listener, must determine on your own.

1. The Birth and Death of the Day: Representative of the intangibility of time; the day begins and ends within a momentary flash. The time you wished to have spent doing things that matter to you is lost in the fading light of dusk. It rises again at dawn, only to start an endless cycle of hope followed by crushing disappointment.
2. Welcome, Ghosts: The ghosts are the ghosts of memories past. This track deals with losing your present mind in the past. Memories of smiles, happy moments, albums of pictures… all of these things are the ghosts that haunt us in the present. In the times where the present is too much to bear, we welcome the ghosts of past to haunt us as a way to numb the present.
3. It’s Natural to Be Afraid: Longest track on the album. The track begins with a fearful self-monologue about the current condition of the self. Whether it’s overcoming an addiction, leaving behind a painful memory, or winning the fight over your own internal chemical balance, the fear is overwhelming and daunting. As the song progresses, it gives way to a glimmer of hope… a way out of the vicious cycle that traps you with your own ghosts. When the hope becomes more clear and defined, it becomes the only thing that matters to you. You cling and grasp onto it, fighting and hoping this solution is the answer you are looking for. You have no way to be certain if this is the answer, but that only drives your fear forward. It is expected… natural. The music abruptly changes as you find it isn’t what you expected. Your fear gives way to embarrassed defeat as you pick up the shards of your attempt to recover to a normal state. The defeat slowly gives way to neglect, and neglect gives way to habit. Despite the momentary glimmer of something better, you are no farther ahead or behind than from the start.
4. What Do You Come Home To?: Reflective of the deepest state of loneliness and depression. This home is a place of solitude and prison. Trapped in a cycle of despair and immobility, the daily retreat and commute from daily obligations to the home is a voluntary prison sentence. Alone you sit each night, faced with the same thoughts and the same ghosts. In the end, you realize that the only escape out of this cycle is a complete and drastic change before it becomes irreversible.
5. Catastrophe and the Cure: The time for change is now. The critical point of the album surges in a powerful burst of energy and desperation in this eight minute ballad. Life was not meant to feel like a daily disaster, you were not meant to feel powerless of the actions in your own life! The ghosts must be shaken away. Value isn’t given, it is taken. It is taken by you, the interpreter. There is value you must take in your own existence. The cure to the catastrophe of you is a change of mind and a change of heart. To find the worth in life, you have to fight for it and make it worthy. You are in charge of your own cure. Don’t remain passive… be active. Don’t wait for a solution… be a part of it.
6. So Long, Lonesome: Like a dream, you emerge. Ghosts are no longer of the past. The people and smiles are here now. They always were. The tides of your tears, waves of wallowing, sea of sadness… all drain away. Back into the ocean, back into the sea. You emerge. You hold a great power of knowledge: of your cure. You are entrusted to share it and make this message grow in volume and in power. So long, to your lonesome self… you were never alone to begin with.

The moral 🔗

The moral to this album is broad and widely open to personal perspective. But the moral that stands out to me seems clear.

It’s easy to become a victim of a system that feeds off of desire and material value. Desire leads to suffering from a longing to always have more. In the daylight hours, you always wish to do more, to have more. Everywhere around you, material wealth defines the value in the world. It shapes perspectives, it gives or lessens power. Trying to be above this is staying afloat amidst a flood. It’s unavoidable because it’s everywhere.

You have to build a boat to get a clear picture of everything. It’s hard to see around you when you’re submerged in the water. From this new perspective, you are able to see what matters most to you. Desire should be staved off. You have to give value to the things, to the people, that matter to you. Take all of this to heart and don’t let the indecisive nature of desire control your heart and your mind.

It may feel like your problems cannot be traversed. They are too much for a single person to bear. But you are never alone. When you least expect it, there is someone who cares more than you ever realized. There are resources available you had not seen before. There is always a way to getting better. Even in the darkest moments, there is a path to light.

Get “All of a Sudden I Miss Everyone” 🔗

The album is available in countless places. I hope my analysis has compelled you to at least listen to the beautiful sounds within the album, or possibly even have convinced you to support the work of Explosions in the Sky. They deserve every dime.

You can find this album at any of the following sources… happy listening.

• Official store
• Spotify
• Amazon
• iTunes (pls no)

Halo has a special place in my heart for its storytelling dynamics and the music that builds and drives the plot further. The composer, Marty O’Donnell, is one of my music idols. His work is inspiring and the sounds he creates across the games gives the story its character. It gives the characters purpose. All of the games reflect this in their soundtrack. But one game had a soundtrack different from the others.

Halo 3: ODST and its soundtrack 🔗

The Halo 3: ODST soundtrack places you in the feet of the rookie ODST soldier from the Halo series. Through the soundtrack, you join the rookie as you travel through an ominous, abandoned skyline. You are voyaging through the city, searching for clues. Answers for what has happened. Answers for where to go next.

The soundtrack takes on a film noir approach, unlike other Halo soundtracks. It is fitting for this game as it essentially plays itself as a mystery. Halo 3: ODST sometimes gets hate for its campaign, but it is a complex story that requires deep thinking and a craving for a solution. The soundtrack aides in this and helps drive the story forward.

Even when you listen to the soundtrack outside of the context of the game, it fits many situations. Whether you’re catching up on a backlog of tasks (and procrastination) at 2:00am, or you’re on a lonely drive to somewhere, the soundtrack has an uncanny ability to transport you to a new world. You are lifted out of reality and into the fictional storyline of whatever the music creates. It’s not always the same experience every time. Often the story the soundtrack creates for you is different each listen.

One rule 🔗

Regardless of what your story is, there is one rule. You must listen to the entire soundtrack in order. The soundtrack plays itself in a serial way. Each song has a relevance into the next. While it may be possible to alter the order to a custom mix, the original story is best embedded in the original order of the soundtrack. One track may lead into a comforting calm for the next, or it may give rise to a dire situation that requires fast action.

Get the soundtrack 🔗

You can find the soundtrack for sale in many places. I urge you to support Marty O’Donnell with a well-deserved purchase of the album. If game soundtracks, instrumental music, and/or stories in music are your thing, this album is worth the listen.

• Spotify
• Amazon
• iTunes (ewwww)